Well, I am going to try this writin’ business one more time. I kinda like it. Not too many people around here listen to me. Nitwits! I think they think I’m talkin’ to hear my teeth rattle. As those silly girls in Hollywood say, “As if?”
I just got to thinkin’ about Reuti’s win again and how Tony and the guy Darrell (He’s just real cute too! That Stevie is a lucky woman I’ll tell you, that.) called Billy Bad Bu– had some words. Now Tony, you see where that attitude got you? 19th place! That’s 17 spots behind the first loser, Tony. Now, I’m not sayin’ not to stand up for what you believe in, honey, it just might be a better idea to stand up for what you believe in where those sneaky reporters and film crews aren’t lurkin’. Ya understand, sweetie? That Tony is so cute. Oh how I love a good scruffy beard. My late husband Elmer had a nice scruffy beard somethin’ like that, but, that’s neither here nor there. But that Tony is just adorable, isn’t he? I reckon he can fuss at me almost anytime! Well, not dinner time for certain, not bedtime, Lord knows, and when I first get up is definitely a no no. I need my coffee for Pete’s sake (have you ever wondered who that Pete is people are always referrin’ to like that? I have my ideas, but, that’s neither here nor there.)
Anyway, Tony can ask when a good time to call is and I’ll let him know. Better yet, just email me Tony, honey. That’s probably easier. You’re so very busy and Lord knows I’ve got many important things to do.
Well, I guess “he who laughs last, laughs best. Or “he who is the first to stay out when the leaders pit and then it rains, finishes first,” Ya’ll can quote me on that and feel free to fancy it up a bit where it needs it.
Wonder if catchfence will post this column? It is a bit controversial, talkin’ about Tony and all, but, I felt it an important issue to give Tony the “better idea to stand up for what you believe in where those sneaky reporters and film crews aren’t lurkin'” advice. That Tony really is adorable. Lord knows I do like a good scruffy beard. And that Billy Bad Bu– ( that’s not his real name I am certain, but some mothers can be cruel) is a looker too. Lord knows I do like a nice bald head. My late husband Elmer was bald, but, that’s neither here nor there.
If you want to, you can write me with your thoughts at [email protected] Give me proper time to answer. Lord knows I’ve got many important things to do.
