Well loyal readers and other folks, here we are on the threshold of, if memory serves me properly and at my age who knows, the 6th Chase Sprint Cup Championship determinin’ 10 race run beginin’ with Loudon this Sunday and endin’ at Homestead on November 22. There are no scheduled weekends off durin’ this period. This is an excitin’ time, let me tell you that right now. And interestin’ly enough I have heard so many people and drivers say “the pressure is off”. To that I have to say, “What and for which driver?” That’s just plain phoney baloney. Those boys are not playin’ horseshoes folks. They aren’t racin’ for almosties or pertnears. Know what I mean? Geez Louise (she hates it when I say that by the way) people this is gonna a be a no holes barred, grab your pants the barn’s on fire, get out of the way all hell is breakin’ loose Chase and I personally just can’t wait! This here is what is gonna separate the bad boys from the BAD BOYS. And hopefully we will see some pretty spectacular things from some of the “non chasers”. Know what I mean? What do you think?Anyway, those 12 drivers are on a pure madness mission to be the next Sprint Cup Champ and those outside the 12 are gonna be on a similar madness mission, wantin’ to and tryin’ to win where, when and as often as they can! Of course Jimmie is wantin’ to win his 4th in a row title but 11 others are out to see that doesn’t happen, so odds wise at this point, 1 in 12 ain’t lookin’ too proof positive, now is it, but more on that cutie later.
So. let’s take a quick walk (chase…get it? I tickle myself sometimes let me tell ya that right now) down “Chase Lane” to look at the dudes in the runnin’, better known as the “Chasers,” shall we?
Up front is darlin’ and mystifyin’ Mark Martin. I am just about as happy as hogs in mud that Markie is in the Chase and leadin’ the pack. Oh how I love that smile, as I’ve told y’all before, and he is just as cagey as any of ’em, I can tell you that right now. I should imagine (I do not say “I assume” or “surely” anymore as I learned my lesson big time on those expressions) that anyone with any amount of workin’ brain matter and bein’ a true race fan would be excited about sweet, talented and tough Mark havin’ this chance. OMG! Know what I mean? (No really, do you know what that means? OMG= Oh My God dearies) Look, this driver deserves to be where he is. Years of hard work and experience has earned him the respect of this sport. He and a few other veteran drivers are provin’ what diehard, long time racefans have always known…that veterans are not only a proven talent, but, they should be like they used to be, a tried and trusted racin’ commodity and not a racin’ oddity! You go Mr. Martin! GO GET ‘EM! GOOD LUCK to ya and remember darlin’, I’ve got a permanent place set for you at my dinner table any time, honey! Know what I mean?
Mercy! I need a second to calm down. 1001…Ok:
#2 spot is held by masterful Tony Stewart with that handsome scruffy beard! Now this is not only excitin’, but, amazin’ when you stop to think about what all this driver and this new team has managed to accomplish in their first year! OMG! (We are clear on that meanin’, right? Cause I’m not explainin’ it again.) I’ll admit to thinkin’ he might have had one too many jolts durin’ the ’08 season when I heard about this team venture of his, but, I do know when I am wrong. Well usually I do, but not always. I sure was takin’ for a fast ride, no pun intended, by a long ago local racer with the unusual name of Hamlin Hock and his pretty little wife Holly. We called him Ham Hock for short and called his wife, well, Holly Hock, but that story is neither here nor there and a bit embarrassin’. Perhaps I will explain at a later date and time if I see fit, but, don’t hold your breath. Anyway, I’m pullin’ for ya Smoke. What a handsome young man you are, dear, more talented than many drivers and just about as tough as nails. GO SMOKE! Whew…it’s gettin’ hot in here again! Anyway, let me know when you’re ready to have a delicious sit down, hon. Note: Menu is open!
#3 is 3 time in a row and reingin’ and handsome young Champ Jimmie Johnson. What can I say about this young man that others haven’t said? Well, let’s see? Obviously he is an amazin’ talent! Our sport is all the better because of him. I really believe that and that is fact, as I see it. And Chad has worked hard, both within and outside, the NASCAR rules to help Jimmie perform to best of their abilities. Now I’m not haggin’ on Chad. Y’all know he’s pushed a lot of limits, but, in fairness to him so have many other crew chiefs. Right? Just seems he has done it a little more than some others. Know what I mean? With that said, he is one heck of a crew chief and I know they will both work their tailpipes off tryin’ to get #4 title. It will happen folks…maybe not this here year, but it will happen. Jimmie, darlin’, do your darndest to make it happen and I’ve made up my mind to have a place set at my table for all the ‘chasers”, if they like. Bring Chad with you, too, honey. I’d like to have a chat with him, as well! You know this is turnin’ out to be a really good idea, Sort of a down home awards ceremony for the top 12 instead of the top 10. No monkey suits required or ball gowns for the little ladies. Jeans and boots will be just fine considerin’ we will probably have to wet down Main Street to keep the flyin’ dust to a minimum. Of course the food will be great and the whole town will turn out and we can make sure there are porta potties a plenty! Think on this hon and get back to me so I can bring it up to our one and only city event committee member, Watson.
Speakin’ of porta potties…I need a break!
Ok. I’m back. Oh and FYI…Tony and Jimmie are both only 10 points behind Markie.
#4 is Denny Hamlin who sits 20 points, along with the #5 chaser Kasey Kahne, behind Markie. Wow, these two younguns are amazin’ aren’t they? I’ve got to admit to thinkin’ some of Kasey’s commercials helped shape this nation’s thoughts about “cougars”, if ya know what I mean? And I ain’t talkin’ about big ol’ cats! But, no doubt this driver has done an amazin’ and impressive job of gettin’ “the” job done. I like Kasey alot. He is just so pretty, isn’t he? Now I mean that in a very proper way and Lord knows I do not want to appear like those commercialized older women groupies of his, but, Kasey honey, perhaps you and I need to have a “for your own good” talk. Know what I mean? Anytime…just let me know when! And as for Denny, well that boy is growin’ up to be a fine young driver. And OMG we found out this year that this youngun actually has a well developed and under control temper! I was properly impressed, I can tell you that right now! There was just enough temper showin’ to get his point across but not a busch-ell amount if you know what I mean! Denny’s smile actually reminds me of my youngest grandson. Just makes me want to pinch Denny’s cheeks, but, I won’t. It would break my heart if he reacted like my grandson does, but, that is neither here nor there! Both you boys do everything you can to get to the top and remember Granny is watchin’ and hopin’!
#6, #7 and #8 all fall 30 point behind Markie and are in that order respectfully… Jeff Gordon, Kurt Busch and Brian Vickers. First off let me congratulate all of y’all. That is an amazin’ and impressive feat, no doubt about that. Jeffie, you cute little daddy you! I just think you are one of the neatest things since processed cheese product which has saved yours truly and a lot of other older than myself folks in this town a lot of money, so, I hope that truly shows you just how highly I think of you.. I mean, hello! You are a heck of a racecar driver darlin’. You need to stay focused and work extra hard though, honey, to keep your team mate and employee from matchin’ your title numbers. Know what I mean? With the proper wordin’ you can accomplish this. Give me a call and I will coach you, darlin’. My nephew has always been and will forever remain a Jeff Gordon fan, honey! Absolutely the truth, so, he’s pullin’ for you like your many other, millions I imagine, fans! So, go, go Jeffie!
And Kurt, darlin’. I think your community service in Phoenix a few years ago was just what the doctor ordered…not Dr. Jerry Punch as far as I know, but whatever doctor that old sayin’ is refferin’ to. Anyway…you are awesome in that #2 car. You are just a nice guy these days! And I think you probably make Rusty very proud. I don’t know for certain, however, because he hasn’t returned any of my 37 phones calls yet, but, who’s countin’? Know what I mean? Yet, I remain forever hopeful. I’m like that, I’ll just hang in there. I do adore that good lookin’ redheaded racin’ retired rascal! He reminds me of a great lookin’ young man who worked at our now defunct electricity generatin’ plant. That man worked long, hard hours turnin’ that crank, but, that is a story for another place and time. So, Kurt, honey, just do your thing and just know that Granny is proud of you! Truthfully! Just a thought, but, I bet you look real good in pink! And regardless of what others may say…many men look good and manly in pink, honey. I think I’ve even seen that good lookin’ DW in pink before! Anyway, dear, good luck to ya! Just GO Kurtie Pie!
And Brian Vickers, you rascal you! You did it! WOW, honey! A lot of people were pullin’ for you. Daddy Clyde must be about to bust his buttons and seat seams! I am so proud of you honey, but Kyle Busch along with Matt Kenseth and Clint Bowyer were not among your cheerleaders! Oh well! Congratulations! And did you have fun at the US Open? That was you, right? Tennis…now that’s an interestin’ sport! I think it beats racin’ for havin’ fit throwin’ participants. Well…at least it may “match” racin’. Get it? Another cute and particularly appropriate reference on my part, in my opinion! Anyway, honey…you go out there and kick some racin’ bohunkus! Hear me? GO BRI! Granny’s pullin’ for you! BTW I love that scruffy beard, sugar, so keep it!
#9, #10, #11 and #12 all sit pretty just 40 points behind Markie. Those bein’ Flippin’ Carl Edwards, Ryan Newman, Juan Pablo Montoya and Greg Biffle respectfully! Wow, what a tight battle headin’ into the final stretch. These last but not least four should never be considered anything less than fantastic! First off, Carl, darlin’, take care of your foot, sweetness, and leave that blasted spot light stealin’ white duck alone! For one thing ducks are nasty! Know what I mean? You don’t need that stuff flyin’ around in your race car, honey. The feathers are bad enough! He can only cause you problems, Carl! Believe me I know, first hand, how treacherous and back stabbin’ those nasty ol’ quackers can be! Anyway, Granny is proud of you, darlin’. You have earned this chance and, of course there will be many, many more! Go do what you do best and good luck! GO Carl!
Ryan, all I can say to begin with is wow! You and Tony deserve this chance. Wouldn’t it be sweet if Stewart Haas finished 1 and 2. What a punch that would be! But, who would be 1 and who would be 2? I know what you are thinkin’, sugar! Me too, but, you 2 have made this Chase somethin’ VERY special! Good luck and perhaps someday we can chat Granny to Champ! And BTW, dear, you look fabulous in the Gillette commercials. Especially the one where you are bald! Some men do look good bald! Know what I mean?. You probably don’t know which one I am talkin’ about here, but, Kasey wound up lookin’ like Clarabell! And you probably don’t know who that isI Do a search, honey. Youtube has it! Anyway, honey, I absolutely loved it, dear! That was pertnear a 4 star one if you ask me. Absolutely fabulous! Anyway you go get ’em Ry and good luck!
Juan, honey, you pleasantly surprised me this season! No one can say you haven’t fit in. Well they can say it honey, but, who cares? Know what I mean? I must say I miss those Juicy Fruit commercials, though, dear. I know no one owns you or tells you what to do. You are definitely no one’s puppet, but, darlin’ you do look very handsome in yellow. And that yellow and black zebra in one of your commercials! Oh I like, honey! Know where I can get one like that? That would be such a money maker around here, I can tell you that right now! I tried to paint an old jackass I had out in the back lot to look like that, but, it just didn’t work out for him or me! It is a long and destructive story, believe me, dear! There are fines involved and I am not a wealthy woman! Anyway…make your “target” (there i go again bein’ so clever) the title and go for it, honeybunch! GO Juanie!!
And finally Greg, you rascal…I am so proud of you and I am just pure positive that good ol’ BP is lookin’ down and smilin’ and so are all the folks who watched you race in Tucson. I’ve been there a time or two in my younger years. It’s as hot there as the tamales I had on Prince Rd, but, what a great place to watch bull ring racin’. Truly enjoyable! Great work and a well deserved chance, Greg! I miss your commercials of last year, too, though! Those were so funny! Now listen, I am not one of those many people who subscribe to the popular belief that a racecar driver’s talent is measured by his commercials, however, I do so love to see you boys in real life situations like that! I guess you could do some with you, your crew chief and some ever strong 3M tape. Wrap that guy up and throw him in the back of the race car. Talk about live tech support! And I can testify to the strength, more or less, of that tape. Why that stuff held my barn together for quite a spell. I can tell you that right now. Of course all good things do come to an end. I just wish my neighbor hadn’t been in there when the blame thing came apart, but, how is a granny suppose to know? Anyway I truly do hold no ill feelings there. Ah well, dear, take that commercial suggestion to the bigwigs at 3M and see what they say. That just might be a profitable arrangement for us all, honey. Know what I mean? Anyway, darlin’, I know you will do everything in your power to get to the top! GO Biff!
Amazin’ gladiators these 12, aren’t they? Just a handsome and excitin’ bunch. It’s gettin’ a little warm in here again, so, I won’t pick a Champ prediction just yet, but, I do have a hopeful in mind which is not necessarily who I think will win. Fact is…it is gonna be tough, but, I wish them all good luck and safety!
Quickly now…the “Other Stuff” for this column includes Kyle Busch, yet again. Evie (one of my many readers and certain one of the most loyal), darlin’, I agree with you completely on this topic! Kyle seems to be coolin’ it for now. Good for him! And you are also correct about waitin’ to see how this plays out. And Elmie Ann, honey, you may be my late husband Elmer’s niece, but, dear, there is only one way to say this nicely. SHUT UP! What are you thinkin’? Just remember, dear…ugly in equals ugly out, and ugly’s got a hold of you right now, darlin’. How many times do we have to discuss this? There is a way to fix this, but, you won’t do it, so, next time you see me somewhere…DON’T. Know what I mean?
And fianally how about last week’s CWTS race at Gateway? Matt Crafton, with just 10 laps to go, managed to wreck and tick off Todd Bodine and Ron Hornaday, who are no light weights when miffed. Additionally Mattie Poo managed to get himself black flagged to boot, and wound up in 6th place. Mike Skinner was the winner ahead of Johnny “wild man” Sauter. Hey Matt, you said you can’t just “give it to them” but you didn’t get it yourself there son. Thing is, second is better than 6th and then you wouldn’t have 2 veterans ready to race you the same way you raced them. I’d be watchin’ my rear section if I were you, honey!. And my bumper, too! Know what I mean? Oh well. Let’s see what happens in New Hampshire on Saturday. Interestin’ to say the least!
That’s it for now folks. Keep your comments comin’ in. I will answer as time allows. Y’all know I am a busy woman, after all. Just somethin’ worthy of mention, however. I no longer share picklin’ recipes for free. It’s just not right.
Oh and Ida, dear, that hair brained idea of yours is not goin’ to work! What are you thinkin’ girl? You are way too old for that and it’s just not right! Shame on you! Just go home!
Well, fans…as George Jones would say, “The race is on and it looks like heartache” (for the eventual 11 non champs that is). Who’s your pick? Perhaps you should pick a back-up. Know what I mean? Until next time…..
