Well hello again loyal readers and other folks and welcome to the latest in my witty perceptions of the NASCAR goins on. I do try to cover the most important happenins to everyone, includin’ myself, of course, but at times I’ve just got to discuss what is uppermost on my mind only. I just can’t be everythin’ to everyone all the time. Know what I mean? And at this point in time Mark Martin is pretty darned important to me.
I just love the fact that this here senior driver, active full time, then retired, then semi retired and now active full time again Cup driver sits, cute as can be, in the points lead just, scarey enough I can tell you that right now, 10 points ahead of darlin’ Jimmie Johnson and his “push all NASCAR limits” crew chief Chad Knaus. Mark may have been confused for awhile as to whether he wanted to drive, or not, but once he figured that out he has been just amazin’. Well that and he drives for Mr. Hendrick now. Anyway 10 points is just plain close, folks. Looked like there for awhile Jimmie would pass Markie up last Sunday, but, when all was said and done, handsome veteran Mark held on to the lead. I sure was gettin’ a bit on the heated up side there for a bit, and close as it was, Mark held on. Sure enough I was a yellin’ to beat the band, rootin’ for Mark and all, but, us veterans just have to stick together don’t ya know. I know you all are wonderin’ what I am a veteran of. It’s not like I have to answer that question, but, I will I guess. I am a veteran of the first, and every year since, The Annual Runnin’ Of The Ducks here in these parts. It’s a cultural thing here, ducks bein’ so important and all, but, that doesn’t mean I respect or like them in any way, shape or form. Let me tell you that right now. Anyway, that’s how come me to know how treacherous they are and why I took up valuable space in my last column, warnin’ sweet flippin’ Carl about hangin’ out with those nasty things. Let me go on the record to state they are pure nasty. Purely. Period. Oh I do like my own white duck good enough I guess, namely because the poor thing is old as the hills, but he no longer has a seat at my table, The last time, and I do mean last, was just a horrible nightmare. And if that wasn’t enough to cinch his outside forever status, he tripped me, on purpose I firmly believe, durin’ the last Runnin’ Of The Ducks. I went slidin’ through that duck yuck and it seemed like a lifetime before I reached hard, dry ground. I will never trust him again. EVER, but that is neither here nor there. Let’s see. Where was I? Oh yeah. The Chasers…Jimmie won the race and good for him. The rest of the Chasers line up like this:
3. Juan P Montoya -65
4. Kurt Busch – 75
5. Tony Srewart -106
6. Denny Hamlin -108
7. Ryan Newman -110
8. Jeff Gordon -122
9. Greg Biffle -138
10. Brian Vickers -151
11. Carl Edwards -153
12. Kasey kahne -189
I don’t have much more to say about these guys at this time other than they are on a mission of madness, as I said last week. And that is a good thing, actually. Their owners, and in this case for that good lookin’ Tony it would be himself, their sponsors and us died in the wool racefans, expect nothin’ less. We just have to hold on to our seats and wait to see how it all goes. And not that this will mean much to you all out there, but those crazy old fools who hang out at the barber shop think they know a thing or 2 about racin’ and use that as an excuse to get together each weekend. But, if you walk by there and the window is open, well, I think they all are just playin’ a lot of pull my finger, if ya know what I mean. That pretty much proves what I have said all along when I said they are all too full of hot air. It’s the same all year round, race season or no, but all of this is neither here nor there.
Anyway, next thing on my list and in my title is Jeremy Mayfield. That boy has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been wonderin’ about his war with the NASCAR powers that be. Then low and behold if I didn’t read the other day that those same powers that be got a hold of a Federal Judge and want that boy evaluated. It seems they want to know if he really has ADHD and a substance abuse problem. Well, truth be told folks, all those drivers have to have some sort of affliction or deficit if they chose to drive 200 mph with 42 other guys and like it. And we do too since we sit there week after week and watch. Seems to me the important thing here are the drugs…whether they are legal or not. Seems NASCAR has some legal papers from some folks who are sayin’ they have seen Jeremy do that several times since 1999. Well, that is important, no doubt, but, I have been known to stretch a tale or two and can signin’ a paper to any fact be proof positive? Maybe, but, maybe not. What if that was 10 years ago if he did do that? What if he used to do that and hasn’t in a long time? What if Jeremy did it with other NASCAR drivers or affiliated people? What happened to them? What if those accusin’ people have a chicken to pluck with that boy? And why have those upstandin’ accusin’ people waited until now to relay this here important information? Makes a person wonder. Know what I mean? That boy sure looks healthy and not like some of those big city criminal drug nasties you see on TV. Am I spittin’ in the wind here? One thing is for certain…whether that boy is guilty of all or even part of what they are sayin’ or whether he is as innocent as he was on the day he was born, he has lost and lost big! Even if they can prove this is all a bunch of chicken doodoo that boy is ruined. Am I wrong here? Flip side of that is NASCAR ABSOLUTELY has to protect their own and I agree with that. Perhaps it would be best to limit the informaation until it is becomes a proven fact. It’s all a cause to pause, isn’t it? I can’t see how anything good will arise from these ashes for Jeremy, but if these here allegations are proven wrong and I were Jeremy, I think it would take an act of Congress, an act of God and someone stoppin’ me with the whole US Army to whoa me up. But that’s just the mean ol’ granny in me talkin’, but bein’ honest.
Anyway, the last thing on my thinkin’ plate are those GoDaddy commercials. That female policewoman? Well if some policewoman comes up to me, gets in my face and starts takin’ off her clothes and flingin’ her hair around like that she will need another police officer to extract this granny’s hands from her around her neck and from her luxurious type hair, I can tell you that right now! That after I whip her behind and tell her a thing or 100. And as for Danica. Good Lord woman, what are you thinkin’? You want people to take you as a serious racer, right? Well after these commercials they may just think you are serious alright, a serious —- and you fill in the blanks, honey, and I don’t think they mean racer. Know what I mean? And that nasty woman in the court room rippin’ at her shirt and yellin’ “enhanced” or whatever she’s sayin’….well she is just awful. I think Danica needs to stay where she is and leave NASCAR alone. As for Go Daddly…just bring back those full size wall stickers of those strong, good lookin’ young men! Now those were nice and wholesome commercials. Know what I mean?
Well, that is it for now loyal readers and you other folks. My computer is gettin’ hot and so am I.
Here are a couple of important responses to my email. The others will have to wait a spell:
…Bernard just say no. And don’t be mean to your mother when you say it. She is 95 after all. Just be firm and then run andl ock yourself in the basement.
…And LolaMay for Heaven’s sake stop that winein’. Give him cold, freah applecider or better yet buttermilk instead. You know that old saying… The true test of a man is a true taste test for the man.” It’s true honey. And it works everytime!
Send your comments and remember to be patient. You know the deal…I’m a very busy woman.
